Pro Tip: Being a Man is Not All About Sex

There is more to manhood than the pursuit of women

Let’s talk about sex.

From the time we’re old enough to speak and comprehend, boys are told that this is the only thing we should care about. The minute we’re old enough to get an erection, we should spend our days thinking of schemes to get into a woman’s pants, and the only time we’re not supposed to be thinking about sex is when we’re having it, because then we’re thinking about baseball so that we don’t screw up and finish too fast.

As a child, I was told that I always had to be the alpha male because I was a man and that was the greatest thing that you could ever be — well besides being white. Manhood comes with certain responsibilities and entitlements. I have to build houses, fight off wild animals with my bare hands, sleep with at least a hundred women, down bottles of Whiskey, then get into drunken fistfights. We should be reactionary creatures who don’t believe or feed into emotions because emotions won’t get you laid. Unless of course, you’re in a situation where shedding a tear might get you to third base, in that case, go right ahead and get the water works going. But what if you don’t fit into the roles that have already been made for you, how do you prove your manhood then?

The Standard

If you spend most of your life being told that a normal man only cares about sleeping with as many women as possible, what does it mean when sex isn’t the only thing you’re thinking about? What do you say to the guy interested in a someone because he thinks they’re really funny, or smart or just fun to be around? How does he articulate his feelings to them when he’s been told from a young age that boys don’t worry about emotions?

It’s probably difficult to imagine so I’ll share my own experience. When I was 13 years old I told my dad about a girl I had a crush on. The first thing he asked me was if she and I were screwing, I told him no and that I was still a virgin. He asked me if I was afraid of “getting ass,” I remember the feeling in my chest when he said that, until he mentioned it, sex wasn’t on my mind. I just thought she was fun to be with. He lectured me on the importance of sleeping with as many women as possible because that’s how you became a man. If the girl I liked wasn’t putting out, she wasn’t important.

The Truth

My dad was wrong. Yes, sex can and should be a great experience that you share with someone who you at the least like and enjoy being around, but it does not have to dictate your life, nor should it be the thing you use to define your manhood. Being a man consist of a lot of things, the number of people you penetrate should not define you, or your manliness.

Do you want to know the truth? What really defines a man is how he acts when no one is around, and the value that he brings into people’s lives. A man is someone that people can count on to do what’s right. Even if what’s right does not work in his favor, and if you want to live up to the real standards of manhood you have to let go of the lies that all of us have been told for as long as we can remember.

Having and acknowledging your feelings does not make you less of a man, nor does being conscious of others. Solving your problems with violence and alcohol are the worst things you can do. If you want to be a real man, take a long look in the mirror and realize that having something extra between your legs doesn’t make you better than anyone. Then spend your days uplifting others and fighting for those who don’t have a voice.

Do you want to be a man, a real man? Fine, then understand it’s not about sex, muscles, the kind of car you drive, or how good-looking your girlfriend or boyfriend is, none of those things matter. Manhood starts from within.