Sucker4LoveMixtape: That Time I Sabotaged My Relationship

Stanley Fritz
5 min readJan 21, 2021

Sometimes the problem is you

This post is one of many from my Sucker4Love Mixtape Series: Things I have learned from the women who dumped me. Sign up here for the newsletter.

The Girl.

Do you know how every guy says he wants a girl who is “easy to be around?” Well, Desiray was just that. We met a couple of weeks after that time I was accused of kidnapping a white woman. Specifically, at the Borders Bookstore on 34th street (RIP Borders). I was on a serious Eric Jerome Dickey binge (Also RIP) and I guess she was too because we ended up going for the same book. In one of the few times I have made the correct decision when trying to impress a woman, I let her take the book, in exchange for a cup of coffee. As corny as that offer was, it worked.

We spent the next four hours laughing and talking about our favorite books, exchanging songs on our Ipods (It was a long time ago), and debating over politics. Desiray was tall, at least 5’8, with dark brown skin, confident brown eyes, and dimples on her right cheek. She was a mellow radical with a passion for social justice, good music, and marijuana. It was clear to both of us that we had something. So at the end of the night, we exchanged numbers and made plans to see each other again.

That random moment at a dying bookstore led to three blissful months of a friendship that ended up becoming romantic. In the beginning, everything seemed right with the world, I had this beautiful girlfriend who liked me as much as I liked her, and unlike previous relationships, it felt like this had the potential to really grow. The opportunity to find my very own “special someone” scared and excited me. I wasn’t used to things going my way, so like anyone with self-destructive habits, I assumed something had to be wrong.

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In my defense, I was right. There was something wrong.. Desiray was the perfect girlfriend, and I had no reason to feel insecure. Unfortunately, no matter how good things were going, I couldn’t help but hear a little voice constantly asking “Why is she with me?” Desiray was beautiful, had a great personality, a booming career, and a loving family. What did she need with a guy…

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Stanley Fritz

JET mag beauty of the week finalist circa 2067. Table flipper, writer. Non respectable negro. Racist round house kicker