Talk About Your Trauma, Understand Your Pain

How Sexual Assault at a young age has impacted the way I grew up and viewed sex.

Trigger Warning: This Article Uses explicit language and discusses sexual assault.

When I was four years old, I had my first woman. No, seriously, I had my first woman. At the time I was living with a family that wasn’t mine. A woman with a son and a daughter. The son was the oldest, let’s say 17. The daughter was a little younger: 14, maybe 15.

She and I played together, a lot. Sometimes we would play hide and seek and one day, in a house full of kids, we all decided to play. She took me away to hide; we went under the bed in an empty room. At first, nothing happened. Then she took my hand and put it in her crotch. She told me to move my fingers around, so I did until she made me stop. She pulled me from under the bed and told me not to tell anyone, “this would be our little game.” This went on for a couple of months until I moved on to the next family.

The next family I stayed with was much smaller, it was only me, a mom and her daughter. The daughter was in her late teens, maybe 16 or 17. She would babysit me when her mom went to work; that was always interesting. When we were alone, she would make me feel her breast, and practice tongue kissing. It was…