Sucker4Love Mixtape: That Time I Gave Out Trash D*CK

Fella’s, we have got a lot of work to do.

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This post is one of many from my Sucker4Love Mixtape Series: Things I have learned from the women who dumped me. Sign up here for the newsletter.

When I broke the news of losing my virginity, my friends were ecstatic. Everyone was filled with what felt like a combination of joy, and pride for my accomplishment. To celebrate this “life-changing” moment, we decided that everyone would go to the campus party happening later that evening.

The party, as expected was a blast, so we didn’t leave until the very end. Everyone wanted to sleep in the next day, so we agreed to check in on Sunday. I remember, right before he left, my buddy, Ja’meer walked up to me and said, “congrats bro, now that you popped your cherry, you’re gonna want it all of the time!” I laughed and told him that I had “something lined up for later”, then wished him well and left.

I didn’t have anything going on. I wasn’t even thinking about sex, honestly, I wanted to hurry back to my dorm so I could play Gears of War. After Ja told me I was “gonna want to have sex all of the time” and that’s not how I felt, I started to worry something was wrong with me. Every guy I talked to said the same thing. After they got their virginity “out of the way,” they wanted to “fuck everything in sight.” I decided to share this anxiety with Ja’meer.

He listened for a couple of minutes, told me that everything was ok, and the reason I was so stressed and uninterested in sex was that I didn’t know what I was doing. It made sense, the girl I lost my virginity to didn’t know that she was my first. Well, she didn’t know before we had sex, I would be surprised if my performance didn’t raise some eyebrows. Ja had the perfect solution to this problem. Practice. All I had to do was “knock the head off a couple of hoes,” and then my pipe game would be “suitable enough to offer a slice of dick to a real woman” this advice made me uncomfortable, so I asked my dad. He disagreed with Ja’meer. Women are not hoes, and we (Ja’meer and I) shouldn’t call them that. However, if I wanted to be good at sex, I should sleep with a few of the easier women to get my stamina up.”